In our life, unfortunately, not everything is perfect. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Therefore, it is likely that sooner or later the person to whom you experienced feelings will leave you. In this case, you need to understand how to behave in this position, how to survive a breakup with a loved one. Often the situation is exacerbated by depression. It is important to cope as soon as possible.
How to escape from parting with a loved one
Even after several cloudless years, frustration occurs. Men are keen on nature, they tend to fall in love. In addition, they are conquerors who need to constantly receive confirmation of their success. If a woman is already conquered, they begin to search for the next object of passion.
The fair sex should do everything to prevent this. And in extreme cases, have an idea about how to survive a breakup with a loved one to get out of the crisis without loss.
With the guy you love
Of course, a universal recipe cannot exist. Each situation is individual, you can only give general advice on how to survive the breakup with the guy you love.
It is very important in such a situation to find support in oneself. Parting pain can be significant, as with physical trauma. In the first days after the break, some even begin to take sedative drugs. This is one of the emergency options for dealing with parting with your loved one.
You need to handle yourself with maximum care. To find reasons for joy at the slightest opportunity. Take time for what works best where you constantly succeed in order to feel the inner strength. This is a good and effective method for surviving a breakup with a guy. He will help you feel strong.
With a man
With age, suffering losses becomes harder. Therefore, women after 30 years of age especially need advice on how to survive a breakup with a beloved man.
One of the main tips is not to blame yourself. After the breaks, self-esteem drops significantly. If you yourself insisted on parting, there may be a feeling of guilt.
The effective method of how to survive a breakup with a beloved man is to forgive yourself for everything that was or was not committed. In the future, you need to take only positive moments, and try to forget about resentment and anger.
The faster you can get rid of the negative, the easier it will be to defeat psychological dependence. Only by doing so can one find a way out and understand how to survive a breakup with a man.
How to glue broken heart fragments: understanding, accepting and recognizing the gap
Analysis of your past relationships
The first step towards ending the relationship and making up is to understand the situation itself.
We get different experiences from each person, that is, relations with one partner can radically differ from relations with another.
Based on one study, psychologists came to this conclusion: "There are three main types of relationships.".
- Type A: One partner is heavily dependent on the other for his basic needs, both physical and emotional.Such relationships can be called unilateral.because someone in a pair is endowed with more power than another. Any changes in this type of relationship can lead to negative consequences, and a break can even injure a second partner.
- Type h: Both partners live together, but despite this they rarely see each other and hardly spend time together. They live as if in parallel worlds, that is, none of them knows anything about the work, hobbies or friends of his partner. Partners are moving farther apart.After parting, this type of steam is quickly restored and does not need outside help at all. However, they may encounter difficulties when they want to start a new relationship if they do not change their habits. Indeed, for such people, relations are almost no different from friendship.
- Type M: This is the most normal and healthy type of relationship.. Partners depend on each other, each of the couples supports the other, but at the same time they are endowed with an equal amount of personal space. In such relations, a balance is maintained. Partners love each other. In this case, the gap can be painful., since the lovers were always there and helped each other, and after the separation of this support, they were no longer near them.
If you understand what type of relationship you belong to, then it will be easier for you to bridge the gap with a partner.
Divorce is a real tragedy in the fate of a woman. Few people imagine how to survive a breakup with a loved one, how to get out of such a stressful situation.
Specialists distinguish several stages, each of which leads to recovery. You need to know what you will face in order to better deal with the tragedy, to prepare yourself for how to survive a breakup with your beloved husband.
1. The pain. There is a feeling of loneliness, hopelessness. The most dangerous thing is to start feeling sorry for yourself too much.
2. Fixture. The pain begins to pass, the first thoughts appear, how to arrange your future. An important recommendation is how to survive a breakup with your husband, learn to talk about him without resentment and bitterness. It is important to learn to look after yourself again, to attract other men, to stop considering yourself a victim.
3. Recovery. Restores full peace of mind. There are thoughts about future opportunities, new love.
4. Normalization. Firmly standing on your feet, you are already confident in yourself. You have a bitter but necessary experience.
All this allows us to draw useful experience from past mistakes, so as not to make any more.
But how to distinguish another quarrel from the final break?
Here comes a period when you decide to leave. There can be many reasons, but we will consider one of the possible ones.
Weaknesses that we did not notice at the beginning of the relationship, over time, can begin to make us nervous.
For example, your partner may have a habit of picking his ears during lunch or dinner.
If you have just started dating, such habits can even amuse you, or you can assume that this is your lover's chip, that is, it does not bother you.
As your relationship develops, disagreements may arise. For this reason, you will begin to notice some strange actions of the partner, and they will begin to annoy you greatly.
Maybe you were comfortable with your lover’s behavior, you allowed him this and thought it was even sweet, but now it’s more enraging than touching.
You will begin to react brighter to the various shortcomings of your partner.
In such a period of relations, you make one of the most important decisions: to change for the sake of relations to bring joy, or to leave everything as it is.
Partners who do not want to change ultimately disagree with a big scandal.
In such a situation, a woman is always in a vulnerable position. When the separation occurs, the man returns to the family, and his already ex-mistress remains completely alone.
Therefore, you need to have an idea how to survive a breakup with a lover, so that suffering is minimal.
First of all, a firm and final point should be put. Break off any contacts, no matter how painful it is. Understand that supposedly random meetings will not save you, you should abandon the urge to call him or write SMS. Once and for all delete this person’s number.
Then you need to get rid of psychological dependence. In some cases, the help of a psychotherapist will be needed, especially if the relationship lasted a long time. An experienced specialist will tell you how to survive depression after breaking up.
Finally, it is necessary to prepare mentally for the possibility of a new love.
Psychology: how to survive a breakup?
The first advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup is to give yourself time to grieve, learn a kind of mourning for lost relationships and broken hopes for a joint future. After all, the breakdown of significant relations is archetypally lived as an experience of death. An individual has to put up with irreversible changes in his life, learn to live on a new energy, without the love and support of a partner, which he is used to counting on.
The experience of breaking a love relationship often consists of the same stages as the reaction of patients after they announce a fatal diagnosis.
- Denial, shock. A person cannot believe that a partner no longer needs him, that relations have come to an end.
- Anger. Resentment against a partner, desire to take revenge.
- Bargain. The often vain hopes that the partner will return, attempts to renew relations.
- Depression. Loss of interest in life.
- Acceptance and rebirth. A feeling of gratitude for all the good that was received in the union. Building a new relationship with a loved one. Creating a new life without a partner.
Sometimes the pain due to a break in relations or, for example, loyal trust in the case of treason, is so strong that there is a desire to just forget everything, erase what happened from memory. But more often than not, we cannot reconcile ourselves to parting precisely because we are afraid to live through negative emotions to the end.
"Suddenly" no one leaves. Hotly, after a quarrel, at the peak of emotions, a man grabs his jacket and runs to a friend, a woman collects a bag and goes to his parents. In fact, such couples do not even think of diverging - the percentage of reunions after such “family hurricanes” is very high. As you know, “darlings scold - only amuse”: the relations between them not only do not collapse, but also become stronger. The main thing is not to turn this into a system.
The most unfavorable predictions (that is, those that put an end to family life or existing relationships) are left out of the heat, but only on a sober, cold head. The decision has matured, all the pros and cons have been weighed, a plan of escape has been prepared. The only thing left is to inform the now former half.
Often, psychotherapists hear the same phrase from these “former” ones: “After all, everything was fine with us, what did he (she) lack?”
These words are repeated by an experienced housewife with a long experience of family life, and a young spoiled young lady, and a malicious jealous, and a faithful husband, and a loving father. By the way, Anna Karenina’s husband, who related himself to the latter, was genuinely surprised by his wife’s ingratitude and asked himself the same question, not even realizing that his wife considered him a “machine” and lacked such smallness as ... Love. This textbook example once again proves how far people living nearby can be far from each other. The fact that for one is earthly happiness, for another is whim, licentiousness, something not worthy of attention.
We have to admit: a breakup, separation does not happen due to the short-term insanity of one of the partners. There are good reasons for that, for the time being, the second half simply does not know. Alas, the one who does not listen enough to his partner and does not try to understand him (or he simply has no time, or maybe even is not interested), may one day be alone.
“I felt that we were not made for each other,” says Galina, a pretty, intelligent woman in her fifties, “but we have children, a family, and I would never ruin our relationship. And he did it and went to another. "
The situation is typical. A woman most often seeks to preserve a family, an established life, a familiar environment. A man is more inclined to experiments and even adventures, he is not averse to gaining new heights ... Therefore, if the relationship does not suit both, he is the first to break.
What will help to find the right answer
Psychologists will help to get out of a difficult situation, to restore peace of mind. You need to contact a specialist in order to overcome anguish, begin to make plans for the future. You can cope on your own for years without healing severe emotional injuries. Psychologists say that without the help of a specialist, an experience can drag on for up to three years. And while a person cannot survive the breakup of long-term relationships, good moments pass by.
Two thirds of those abandoned blame themselves for what happened. They are looking for flaws, they are sure to find them by acquiring complexes. A lot of energy is spent on introspection, memories of mistakes and mistakes. We must accept the fact that after any negative incident, a person feels guilt, a sense of loss.
To find answers to inevitable questions, the unfortunate go to sites, forums where the advice is false. “Forgetting” and “not worrying” are the most stupid of them. The cumulative effect will work. Emotions that have restrained for so long will flood. Giving yourself time to survive the pain is the only solution.
1. Understand that nothing lasts forever and there is nothing super stable in this world
- You need to understand that very rare relationships last your whole life!
Sooner or later, you may have some kind of discord or rupture, and you will part.
- There must be an understanding that in this world, in principle, there is nothing so super stable so that it would never go away and collapse.
Understanding this 1 advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with a loved one greatly strengthens your knowledge.
Why does your mind suffer from parting?
The gap is a very sensitive process. People do not decide in a second to leave, but for a long time weigh the pros and cons in order to understand whether their relationship can still be saved.
At this moment, our mind behaves extremely strange. After all, we are not able to concentrate, we are obsessed with the desire to see our former lover again, we feel hopeless and desperate, we think that we will remain alone until the end of our days.
But why not only our heart suffers, but even the brain?
In order to understand this difficult matter, researchers from Columbia University studied the brain activity of people who recently survived the gap.
Researchers found that the part of the brain that is responsible for physical pain reacted when subjects were shown photographs of their former partners.
In another experiment, scientists found that a brain reaction after parting is similar to a brain reaction after a person stops taking drugs.
The desire of a person to see his former partner is similar to the desire of an addicted person to take another dose.
While we were in a relationship, our brain received a sea of positive emotions, which were perceived by them as a reward, but after parting, our mind does not feel pleasant emotions for a certain period of time.
Psychologist's advice on how to deal with depression
If you can’t overcome the crisis yourself, you will need an experienced psychotherapist who will give tips on how to survive a breakup with your loved one.
It is very important for women to try to throw out all the negative emotions as soon as possible. Many psychologists even recommend the first time a little hurt.
At first, you won’t get distracted, so it's better to fully relax, cry, speak out. It is important that a faithful friend is nearby, ready to listen.
Another vital psychologist’s advice on how to survive a breakup with a man is to burn all the bridges. This applies to everything that previously connected you. Of course, you need to be strong, but you should not give up moral support. It is crucial.
Several sessions with a psychotherapist can dramatically change the situation. Meetings and conversations with friends and acquaintances will also help. It is important that they take place in the most relaxed atmosphere, so that nothing reminds you of your beloved.
Do not forget that the internal state is strongly reflected in the exterior. The basis of a psychologist’s advice on how to survive a breakup with a guy, do not forget to take care of yourself. Sleepless nights, worries and stress will not slow to reflect on the face in the worst possible way in the form of dark circles under the eyes. Tired look, untidy appearance lead to the fact that a person actually lowers.
A neat hairstyle should come to the rescue, moderately bright and necessarily competent makeup, manicure. Choose your wardrobe carefully. This will help not only to look presentable, but also to distract from sad thoughts. It doesn’t matter at what age you parted. It is necessary to try to look appropriate in both 18 and 45 years old.
How to survive the care of a loved one: advice from a psychologist
It’s important not to pretend even to yourself and not to pretend to be a “snow queen” or a “cool macho” if in fact grief, fear, resentment encompasses. Take time to “suffer” so much. Take time off or leave at work. Anyway, the first days after the breakup of relations to seriously focus on the work process are unlikely to succeed.
Be alone with yourself. Cry if you feel the need for it. Tears do not need to be shy. Cry as bitterly as you want. Do not be afraid of anger, which may replace despair. Resentment, rage against a partner mobilize the body and help restore often killed self-esteem after parting.
It is not necessary to arrange an act of revenge. You can write a letter to your former partner that will never be sent. Describe in it everything that you feel about the events that happened. If you like drawing or dancing, for example, try expressing your feelings through creativity. Such a process makes it possible to "empty" and create space for new feelings.
“When a man left me, how to survive it correctly, I did not know. Despite the fact that I was terribly ill, I did not utter a tear. I believed that crying over someone who treated you dishonorably - is humiliating, ”says Ksenia (28 years old). Insomnia and panic attacks appeared. Neurologist referred to a psychotherapist. At the fourth meeting with a specialist, I suddenly felt a lump dissolve in the throat area and suddenly burst into tears. I cried almost to the end of the session and felt wild relief. And the thing finally moved. ”
When mourning for lost love, it is important to establish a strict time frame for yourself - a week, a month, a half. Otherwise, there is a risk of falling into the trap of negative emotions for a long time and earn real depression.
A period or a comma?
The short standard phrase “let's break up” was spoken. And then - mental pain, shock, confusion, guilt ... And at the same time - resentment, anger, insulted vanity, especially when it turns out that the cause of the divorce was an affair with someone on the side. Those who at least once in their lives have experienced a breakdown in relations will probably call the moment after parting one of the most difficult periods in their lives. Without exaggeration, it can be considered a real mental trauma.
Sometimes in a protracted family conflict, when mutual reproaches and misunderstandings accumulate, it seems to both spouses that the best way out of the impasse is a divorce, but even in this case, "drawing the line" can be very painful. What can we say about those who consider their relationship with a partner, if not ideal, then at least tolerant.
Many psychologists working with married couples believe that the biggest mistake that is made at the first moment after the news about the partner’s departure is the desire by all means - by persuasion, threats, promises - to try to return him / her as soon as possible. This ill-conceived, impulsive movement seems right at first glance, because "the train has not left yet", you can change something, fix it. But such tactics work only in the case of a “blackmailer partner”, when the husband / wife is not going to go anywhere and scares her by divorce if she wants to achieve something substantial: the wife requires moving to a separate apartment from the parents, and the husband requires the wife to leave work and the birth of the baby. In the case of thoughtful and pre-planned withdrawal, neither tears nor persuasion will work, and threats can lead to even more decisive actions and will no longer leave the opportunity to establish normal relations after a divorce.
2. Find your favorite activity that you want to do and be passionate about completely and with great passion.
- Regarding your life, in principle, finding your occupation that you want to do, you want to live and be passionate - it strongly strengthens you emotionally and from all sides!
- Having it, you will not be so jarred and thrown into panic at some loss, even if you broke up with your loved one.
- Your favorite hobby, hobby, your own path, energy and passion invested in it very much recharge you, give you a goal in life, give a feeling of pleasure and enjoyment from life.
- Thanks to them, you forget about gray everyday life, completely penetrate the process, forgetting everyday little things and breaks. You no longer worry about what to do if you are abandoned or how to survive it.
- Having broken the relationship, now you can completely immerse yourself in your favorite business and fully stay and grow with it further.
- For example, it can be your projects, business ideas, events, your creativity, financial plans, hobbies and your favorite sport. Who on what much.
Always remember your favorite hobby and passion, put it in the first place now, and then you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your girlfriend or young man.
1. Parting - a serious psychological trauma. To cope with it will require the support of loved ones. Often you can not do without the help of a therapist.
2. The main thing in this situation is not to despair, to understand that there is a way out, no matter how difficult the situation may seem.
3. Find your goal in life, engage in yourself, immerse yourself in work - perhaps this is what you did not have enough ahead of time, and this is exactly what you need at the moment. A source
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How long does it take to survive a breakup?
Each is individual and experiences a breakdown in his own way. The process of psychological adaptation depends on a combination of many factors:
- type of human nervous system,
- circumstances surrounding the separation,
- the efforts and desires of man himself to begin a new chapter in life.
It is believed that a full recovery after a break in relations requires at least one year. During this time, you need to go through alone all the memorable dates for the couple (day of acquaintance, recognition of feelings). However, if it happened that the rupture occurred painfully, suddenly, and the love relationship was characterized by symbiotic dependence and ended on the initiative of a loved one, then feelings about parting can drag on for a long period.
If both partners find the courage to admit that the relationship has exhausted itself, they are grateful for all the good that happened, they disagree peacefully, then the experience of a breakup is much less painful. Of course, this does not mean at all that people who are able to easily provide their beloved person with the desired freedom and part peacefully are robots devoid of human feelings. They just know how to find within themselves the resources that support them during difficult periods of life. After a breakdown, they experience more light sadness than unbearable pain, which deprives them of the strength to live on.
Do not confuse healthy attachment and psychological dependence on another person. Attachment is a feeling of intimacy, sympathy that keeps you close to your partner, even despite the difficulties that arise in a couple, the feeling "I can live happily without you, but with you is much more interesting and better." Love dependence is a feeling “the guy threw: how to survive - I can’t do without him!”, A property of a neurotic personality.
The syndrome of prolonged grief is dangerous for its negative consequences: difficulties in fulfilling work duties, deterioration of social functioning, development of psychosomatic diseases, the appearance of unhealthy adaptive reactions (chemical and behavioral dependencies). If a lot of time has already passed, and a strong mental pain due to a break in relations does not let go, it makes sense to seek professional psychological help.
For example, to the psychologist-hypnologist Baturin Nikita Valerievich. Psychotherapy sessions will have a much more healing effect than complaints about the injustice of fate to girlfriends, and will give an understanding of how to properly build new relationships without stepping on the same rake again. And hypnotherapy relieves of love addiction in the same way as from any other type of addiction - narcotic, alcoholic, gaming - and helps to quickly enter a normal life rhythm.
Psychologist's advice: what cannot and what can be done after his / her departure?
It is impossible
Chase, start endless clarifications - “why” and “who is to blame”, break off the phone, write messages and fill up the e-mail box with letters, watch the street. Such activity will not lead to positive results. The one who is being persecuted begins to feel like "driven game", so he tries to run away quickly and away. Remember pride and pride. Some "departed" sometimes review their actions and return. Only more often they return to those who do not forget about self-esteem.
Sprinkle ash on your head and lock yourself in four walls, cherish your loss. It may very well happen that what you consider to be the end will in fact turn out to be the beginning of other relations, much brighter and more significant. Wise people say: "When one door closes, another necessarily opens."
Stop monitoring your appearance. The breakup is parting, and the hairdresser and beauty salon are scheduled. As well as a solarium, gym, pool and more.
Avenge the offense, call his / her new passion, threaten or try to upset their relationship. Such actions will give former lovers an extra reason to establish themselves in the correctness of their decision to leave you.
To tell friends, neighbors, and colleagues about nasty things about the former. After all, they suited you when they were near.
Start a new romance immediately. Until you feel free from previous love bonds, while your heart still belongs to him (her), you will not establish a truly warm and lasting romantic relationship.
Do not pretend to be a “snow queen” or a “cool macho”, but live and feel the pain, resentment, longing after parting. Let there be tears, do not be afraid and shy of them, they help to heal spiritual wounds.
Distracted. The work will help, which, as you know, "saves us from three evils - boredom, idleness and poverty."
Experiment. Many women who survive the breakup are advised to radically change their image, for example, turn a strict chestnut haircut into golden curls. Men choose other ways: one “ex-husband” after leaving his wife completely changed the situation in the apartment.
To create. Have you ever dreamed of mastering a guitar or dancing flamenco, but there was never enough time forever? The moment has come - immediately sign up for courses, find a dance studio. At first it will be difficult, but it is precisely these difficulties that distract from experiences. And who knows, perhaps soon you will compose a beautiful lyrical song or express your love and hope in the dance.
Find those who need help: take toys to an orphanage, bring food to an elderly lonely neighbor, take your mother or grandmother to the theater.
Take a trip. A change of scenery always helps to cope with stress and provides invaluable energy nourishment. In addition, it is during distant wanderings that sometimes a wonderful romantic relationship arises, which - who knows? - can develop into something more.
“Forgive and let go,” as the song says. It won’t work right away, but time heals. Surely the day will come when you will feel that you are letting go of the person who brought you joy and suffering. Just because he does not belong to you, and you, in spite of everything, respect his choice and his right to live his life.
Why do you and your partner deal with the gap differently?
No matter how hard it is for you to part, this does not mean that your ex-lover will also acutely experience a break. It may seem unusual to many people that their former partner solves the problem of parting in a completely different way.
Although it may be unpleasant for you to see that your ex-lover is not experiencing heartache and is feeling great. In this case, it is important to remember that such a reaction is considered absolutely normal. After all, a person may not show his feelings or move away very quickly after any unpleasant situations.
Psychologist Melanie Schilling says: "After parting, women need to communicate, and men need to do something new."
That's why after the break men try themselves in different areasbegin to do something unusual, for example, jump from a parachute, go abroad, swim or get rights. They find precisely such activities that require a lot of time in order to think less about the break.
Meanwhile women need emotional support from their social circle. When she speaks out, as if a stone is falling from her soul. Indeed, during the conversation, the girl speaks almost continuously, so she physically will not be able to start thinking about the former young man.
Some men think that they shouldn’t give in to negative emotions, instead, immediately cheer up.
In this regard, women have more freedom, they release all their emotions and never hide what they feel. This is what helps them recover after parting.
You need to understand that how your life will turn out depends not only on the type of past relationship, but also on how you broke up with your partner.
3. Realize that relations in any situation cannot be a mission and a goal in life.
- Social programming suggests that the relationship is supposedly - the most important component in life. That is, building relationships, people make the main component of life. This is a very common thing that can now be observed.
- She is so Hollywood and from the movies or from some hidden childhood dreams. It occurs in both men and women. And if you do not get rid of this illusion, you will still need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a break with your loved one.
- There is another wrong belief in people. People come to their soulmate as if under the bosom of a tree from work or study with the conviction "but here it will be good for me."
And if this happens in your head, then, as a rule, it does not justify hopes.
- Sooner or later the illusions will collapse. To some extent, people can create each other this illusion, then it all crumbles just to pieces.
Relationships are definitely important.
In them we can realize ourselves, let another person realize, establish emotional contact with a partner, make our own and his life easier.
But in general, they cannot be a mission.
How to survive a breakup with a man: advice from a psychologist
Those who were friends before the relationship grew into a romantic, often remain friends even after a break. Decide for yourself whether you are ready to continue to see your ex. After all, it is not without reason that there is a saying “out of sight — out of mind”. It’s easier to forget a person if you don’t have any contact with him. In any case, it may take some time for both of you to be alone and to tune into extremely friendly relations.
Stages of making the inevitable
An emotionally strong person, like the vulnerable, will experience five stages of acceptance.
For each of them it will take a different time:
- Negation. At this stage, the head realizes that something terrible has happened, life has changed. But it is still difficult to realize this with feelings. For some, this causes the opposite effect: there is joy from a break, but short-term. The most important thing is not to look for a new partner in this mood: the risk of earning a new emotional trauma increases many times.
- Primary awareness. Emotionally difficult phase, when various feelings come from anger to resentment. They apply to both partners. At this stage, it is important to allow yourself to be angry, to throw it out. If you close, then this state can last a very long time, finding a way out in physical ailment.
- Contract. This is the stage of bargaining with yourself, your feelings. A man, instead of accepting, realizing what has happened, is looking for ways to deceive himself. Thoughts arise in his head that can still be returned and restored. At this turning point, it is very painful to look back, it is scary to look into the future. There is no understanding how to survive the gap.
- Depression. Full awareness and emotional involvement. Finally, it comes to understanding that it is pointless to look for the guilty, everything has already happened, nothing to return. In the head, the toggle switch switches from “live” to “exist”.
- Adoption. The stage of freedom and peace, when life finally makes sense. New events, acquaintances, happy moments - it reappears.
In order to survive the pain of parting and forget the man or woman you love, it is important to go through all the stages. The stronger the resistance, the longer they will last. Psychologists argue that periods individually pass with varying degrees of intensity.
Illusions of girls
On the part of girls, such a thing is more often present in the head. And therefore, they often need help and various advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with a beloved man.
Girls elevate relationships to a higher rank because they have such a biological factor as family and child.
Your cant is that you had to be distracted from the hard clinging to relationships and making them a goal in life.
This will only make you worse, because sooner or later the illusions will begin to break, and you will again think about what to do when your beloved has left you.
Break all connections
Try to avoid contact with your ex-boyfriend for at least 5 weeks. Over such a period of time, the strength of attachment weakens, and subsequently it will be much easier to communicate. Make sure that nothing reminds you of the former. It is useful to unsubscribe from his pages on social networks, delete all correspondence, SMS messages. After the break, many people get rid of all the shared photos and gifts of their loved ones, even stop communicating with mutual friends. If you don’t have the strength to part with things reminiscent of your beloved, try to put them in a box and hide them away. For example, deposit with a relative or friend.
Remove any music reminding you of a relationship from the player. Replace them with inspiring tracks that cheer you up. Ask your general acquaintances, if possible, not to mention the former in your presence.
Often couples live in a trap of self-deception, believing that they parted, in fact, experiencing dependence on each other. For example, do not stop sexual relations or live on the same living space. Be honest with yourself and do not make such mistakes.
4. Do not let yourself slip into an emotional pit after breaking up
- It is very important when such breaks occur. and critical moments, this is not to allow yourself to slide into an emotional pit. Some people get depressed. You can find out about ways to get rid of depression in another publication. They can last not one day, but even a week or two. It can really undermine you.
- Emotionally, the problem can be completely trifling. But, for example, a man can so emotionally slide into this gap that he will have a desire to go to the mountains, become a monk and do nothing else in this life or leave with his head in business, forgetting about women in general.
- Although in fact, not everything is so serious. Anything can happen. Do not wind yourself, do not make an elephant out of a fly, and know everything about how to survive a breakup with a girl after a long relationship or many years of marriage.
Why is it hard to let go
Sometimes, in order to part with a loved one, you need to let him go. If only because he no longer experiences feelings, emotions. He has no emotional attachment. But whatever the attitude of the former partner, it can be very difficult to let go. To implement the plan, you can follow the steps:
- Show a little egoism, learn to live the way you want.
- Stop climbing into the life of a former partner (write, go to a page on social networks).
- Forgive, realize the cause of resentment, anger.
- Refuse revenge.
- To perceive relationships as experience, to benefit.
- Learn to enjoy life and enjoy it.
- Be prepared for a new relationship.
Letting go of a loved one is very difficult. Indeed, during a relationship, not only a habit has developed, but also a mental connection. It is important to break it as soon as possible, stop flipping through photos, correspondence. Otherwise, the “mental chewing gum” will not stop, the suffering will last for many months.
Psychologists say that for a start it’s worth putting your thoughts in order. Find a hobby or any activity that is fun. Learn to enjoy life without the presence of a partner. Such moments contribute to spiritual and personal growth.
Refresh the apartment: do a spring cleaning, rearrange the furniture, paste new wallpapers. Change the look: make a revision of the wardrobe, throw away clothes that you no longer like. After purification of the outer space, mental cleaning takes place, and it will become easier to accept the changes.
Often, parting with a loved one adversely affects the appearance of women. Because of the experiences, representatives of the weak half of humanity often lose their appetite, which leads to excessive weight loss, or, conversely, stress seize up and gain extra pounds. Bad sleep instantly manifests itself in the form of tarnished skin, dark circles under the eyes.
What is love
It is customary to call love the totality of experienced sensations, emotions, actions for a certain person. To the general list, you can add respect, affection, a sense of security, calmness. It is very difficult to distinguish between love and love in the first couple: the intoxicating effect of hormones intoxicates. Parting with a loved one causes almost physical pain.
Falling in love can flare up in an instant, but last no more than 6-9 months. Passion is all-consuming, strong attraction attracts people to each other. Love is built after, passing obstacles, difficulties. When you already see each other's shortcomings, but accept them.
However, romantic love is able to combine tender feelings and passion, maintaining a long-term relationship. After this, it is very difficult to understand how it is possible to survive a painful breakup.
Monitor your health
You need to find the strength to continue to take care of yourself. Regular healthy eating, manicure, hairstyle, walks in the fresh air, sports will help keep yourself in shape - both physically and emotionally.
External influences internal. You can try such a psychological technique as changing your image. Experiment with hair color and length, buy new beautiful clothes and shoes. And very soon you will feel better.
What is love addiction
This is a strong and all-consuming passion. This is not love, not love, but a pernicious attraction. Psychologists equate it with alcohol, drugs, gambling addiction. However, this does not prevent people from considering this to be true love. For them, pain is its natural sign, part of the process.
Love is characterized by a loss of personality. She has an inherent desire to abandon her interests in favor of a partner. Relationships arise by type: I am an integral part of you. The victim's protected position, self-abasement, and steadily falling self-esteem only fuel addiction.
The other side of the phenomenon is the capture of personal territory and the identity of the partner. A strong position is shown here. The desire to become indispensable turns into total control and imposition. It can occur both in a passive and in an aggressive form using physical suppression methods.
It is very difficult to survive a difficult parting with such a partner; psychotherapy is often required. It is difficult to overcome such a relationship, especially when contact with a partner cannot be completely ruled out (common child, litigation, division of property, etc.). Have to learn to live anew.
First find harmony with yourself and solve the problem inside
If you have an unstable emotional state, depression, then first deal with this.
Some people go to extremes after the break and rather run to look for a new partner.
And this supposedly will be a solution to the problem. This supposedly closes questions about how to survive the pain of parting with a loved one.
Is this really a solution?
Friends after the break will try to distract you from painful thoughts, pull them out of the house, and do something interesting. Do not refuse the help of others. Having “suffered” the time allotted for this, let them do it. Fun with loving people is a great way to feel better after breaking up.
What mistakes do people make?
People simply patch their soul wound with a plaster, they are looking for a replacement, rather than dealing with themselves.
This throwing from one extreme to another does not end with anything good.
Accept the state in which you are now, see it and tell yourself: “Yes, now I am not quite in harmony with myself after the break. Well, nothing, I’ll solve this issue first, and then we'll see. ”
Stop looking for love from the outside, first love yourself. Learn more about how to love yourself, written in a new FeelPassion article.
Keep this in mind and no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your husband.
Step-by-step plan to solve the problem
If there are no ideas about how it is easier to survive a difficult parting with a loved one, then psychological tricks, Including 10 steps to help overcome the problem.
- Step 1. Stability is a relative concept. There is nothing permanent in the world around us; sooner or later everything ends. There is no guarantee that the relationship will last forever.
- Step 2 A hobby will solve most problems. Favorite hobby is distracting, brings relaxation and peace. This will provide emotional support, allow you to enjoy life.
- Step 3 Relationships are not the goal of life. Keep this thought in mind at all times. Despite the fact that such a model is actively imposed, marriage should not be the only, primary goal.
- Step 4 No self-pity, self-flagellation! Give vent to emotions, but do not plunge into them with your head, getting more and more involved in depression. Learning to live without a loved one is possible and necessary, the main thing is to realize dependence.
- Step 5 A wedge is not kicked out by a wedge. Partners seek to immediately plunge into a new relationship, but this is the wrong decision. First you need to understand yourself, solve psychological problems. Do not use another person as a pill that disguises the symptoms.
- Step 6 Remembering the good is a bad sign. After you were able to recover after parting, you need to carefully consider your thoughts. Bright, bright moments will be in sight, but you don’t want to remember all the bad things. This is the reason for attempts to return.
- Step 7 Allow yourself to quit. To find the strength in oneself and leave everything that is connected with these relationships is a willful decision.
- Step 8 Do not need anyone. Learn to live independently of others (financially, emotionally, physically), this will radically change the attitude towards yourself and life.
- Step 9 Subjectivity and attachment are interconnected. Understand your own conclusions about a person - take the path to solving the problem. How a person is perceived (appearance, character traits, etc.) is only a subjective assessment. If at some point one of the partners idealized the other, then this does not mean that he is truly an ideal.
- Step 10 Love yourself at last! As soon as you find true love for yourself, your attitude towards love as a whole will change. All subsequent relationships will be more comfortable, long-term, useful for both partners.
Threw a loved one - how to survive: the advice of a psychologist
After parting with lovers, people suffer not by the person himself, but by the emotions that they experienced in the relationship. Recognize that you are addicted to feelings of love euphoria caused by the release of neuropeptides and compounds chemically similar to amphetamines - a class of soft drugs. Suffering after the departure of a loved one is in many ways similar to the pathological state of drug withdrawal.
For one category of personalities, the most pleasant thing in a relationship is to feel like an object of close attention of another person, his care, support. For another - to experience the very feeling of love, emotional lift, idealize a partner. In both cases, the suffering due to the departure of a loved one is a consequence of selfishness.
The good news is that you can learn to evoke all the pleasant feelings that you experienced in a relationship yourself. And no longer depend emotionally on having a loved one nearby.
You need to grow, develop, strengthen in yourself the parental subpersonality, which accepts you, loves you, protects you under any circumstances. Make sure your inner voice always sounds approving and affectionate. And try to trust the pleasant emotions that arise in response to good thoughts about yourself and your life. Treat yourself with paternal (maternal for men) care, and the need for a co-dependent relationship with fixation on a partner will decrease significantly.
The second step is to fall in love with yourself again. As a rule, we admire in a partner certain qualities that we think we ourselves are deprived of. Was he the smartest, the most gentle, the most purposeful? Cultivate these qualities in yourself! Do not wait for someone from outside to come and complement you.
Do not hope that you can still converge. At least until you gain a sense of peace of mind on your own. If you try to return your loved one before you get rid of dependence on relationships, you risk repeating the same negative scenario.
Replace the need to make a loved one your property with a desire to make him happy. It is necessary to find strength in oneself to give him freedom. And do it with a calm mind. Recognize that each has its own path. And to be grateful that some of your favorite person chose to go with you.
Let yourself be sad
Psychology will tell you how to survive a long-term separation with your loved one. Give vent to the accumulated emotions, sad.No need to rush into new arms, go to work with your head or forcibly give up on the experience. Choose a free day, stay at home, turn on your favorite melody in the headphones, read a good book, wrapped in a blanket.
You can and vice versa, call friends and girlfriends, have a good time. Invite your best friend, share experiences or cry. Just do not turn it into a one-man show, do not become a victim. Since experiencing a difficult parting with a sincerely beloved man is not a matter of one day, it is better to give vent to negative emotions "on the beach."
6. What your brain can do with you: an analogy with a hackneyed record
- All your memories of past lovewhen everything was good, bloomed and smelled - it was just an appearance.
If that balance were maintained, then it would be true. And so this is an illusory appearance. This is already like a hackneyed record, which, moreover, has cracked.
- How is the brain joking with you? When you had a break and there were a lot of jambs that you don’t even want to remember, your brain throws this hackneyed record to you.
- You put this broken record in your head, where the melody is no longer playing, but an incomprehensible rattle sounds, a miserable semblance of a melody and some unpleasant sounds.
- This record no longer needs to be repaired!
You just need to find what you really need!
- No need to even try to come back. It's not worth it.
Approach the situation soberly, and you will know everything about how to start living after breaking up with your loved one.
What to do if a man abandons you: advice from a psychologist
When a relationship breaks up, not only feelings, but also the worldview become vulnerable. The departure of a loved one often undermines a woman’s deep-seated beliefs about love, devotion, justice, and men. The rejected woman experiences a sense of humiliation, loss of self-worth.
A huge amount of energy is spent on introspection and putting yourself “twos”. Conclusions are made that it was necessary to behave differently, to dress differently, to have sex. “Now it’s even embarrassing to remember what I thought of myself after my husband left me,” says Veronika (31 years old). When the level of self-flagellation reached the point that I thought the reason for his departure was the insufficient smoothness of my legs, it was as if a brake light had worked inside me. I realized that women with perfect looks are also abandoned from the modeling industry by men. It’s funny, but the thought made me feel relieved. ”
Understand that if your man really valued your union and treated you as an equal partner, he would inform you of his dissatisfaction with some aspects of your relationship in advance. I would give you a chance together to find a way out of the situation. Analyzing your mistakes is a useful activity. But only on condition that you know how to forgive yourself for mistakes. Accept what has been done out of inexperience, and promise yourself not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Every woman dreams of being adored. A common mistake is to immediately rush into a new relationship in the hope of feeling again necessary, desired, loved. However, the advice of a psychologist how to survive, if a man abandoned - do not rush. Wait for self-confidence to recover. Otherwise, you risk creating a relationship that will correspond to your poor sense of self. If you feel abandoned, deceived, you will attract only those who will act with you as a former partner.
7. Allow yourself to leave forever: there is nothing to decide, no need to cling
Allow yourself to leave forever.
Understand that there is nothing and no one to resolve.
Some of you messed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.
No matter how painful it may be, give yourself the opportunity to leave forever.
Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.
Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.
Understanding this will close your worries about thoughts about how to survive a breakup with your loved ones.
Burn all bridges
The way a person experiences treason and separation says a lot about his personality. Someone goes headlong to work, others surrender to bad habits and addictions, still others engage in self-flagellation. But whatever the gap, you have to burn all the bridges.
Expensive jewelry can be sold, rented to a pawnshop. Burn and discard photographs and things in a distant box. What reminds one of a person should be kept away from the eyes. In no case should one be comforted by the fact that everything will return, relations will resume, and so on. A quarrel is only a temporary separation, and a break in relations is a decision made with sober and cold reason.
The girl threw - how to survive: the advice of a psychologist
It is generally accepted that the stronger sex is much less emotional than the female. However, men are capable of experiencing the same strong feelings as women. They are just taught from childhood to maintain the image of a strong man, and they get used to hiding their pain. As a result, parting is even more traumatic for them than for women.
A woman can openly sob on her friend’s shoulder for more than one evening. A man, even in the presence of a close friend, may hesitate to admit how depressed he is. Yes, and male friends are usually scared by the expression of strong feelings of another representative of the stronger sex. They have no idea how to provide the right psychological support in such cases. Therefore, a way out of this situation is to turn to a psychologist for help. And do not believe the myth that a man will go to a massage therapist rather than a psychologist. Men are no less than women inclined to understand themselves. It’s just that the information about treatment by a psychotherapist is usually more carefully hidden.
For men, two main behavioral patterns are characteristic after a woman leaves - the victim complex and the aggression complex. The victim's complex is manifested in a decrease in vitality, apathy, and a feeling of helplessness. The aggression complex is accompanied by bitterness, resentment at the abandoned woman, and a thirst for retribution.
Both types of reactions are considered normal reactions to stress, but require correction. Do not seek salvation in alcohol or isolate yourself from society. Survive the separation of the man with the psychology of the victim will help a positive attitude, leisure in the company of friends. The time that was previously spent communicating with the girl should be devoted to an activity that was liked, but there was no opportunity to do it. A new hobby will bring back your taste for life and the desire to get up in the morning. If possible, go on a trip. A change of scenery, fresh impressions, new acquaintances with interesting people - this is what you now need.
If you feel angry as a result of your breakup, regular trips to the gym will help guide its peaceful course. A person of your psychotype will also benefit from immersion in the work. Intensive work will help get rid of excess energy and distract from gloomy thoughts.
8. Make a choice to be cool and not needy, remove expectations
- A man in no need is one who does not cling to other people is more inclined to give than to receive and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be one.
- No needy person thinks aboutwhat you will have in the future (even if you have a 99% guarantee, you don’t tell others). You can say: “Yes, I have such plans ...”. You are going to do it, but you do not live it.
- You take what you have at the momentbut you never expect that something will happen in the future - good or bad. It's useless.
- Those thingsthat you can cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible.
- Your reality should not be based on something external!
A needy person never asks questions about how to live after parting further.
A strong man is only glad that weak people themselves leave his life.
It’s harder for a woman to live like that, but it’s possible. No need to cling to people.
Detailed principles of self-confidence for girls are also collected in another section of the site.
Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care, they cling to men. This is their cant!
On our website you can also read another article on how to get rid of affection and love addiction.
How to survive a breakup with a girl after a long relationship: advice from a psychologist
It is not so easy to forget a person in whom he invested a lot of energy and hopes for the future. The intensity of experiencing the loss of relationships depends on a subjective assessment of their significance. Remind yourself more often that no matter how great your relationship with your ex-girlfriend is, she is not the only person with whom you can be truly happy.
Remove it from the pedestal. Falling in love is often built on idealization - an unconscious idea of another, as a perfect and omnipotent being. The reverse mechanism - depreciation - will help get rid of love addiction. Take a look around and understand that many women have the same virtues as your chosen one. Often remember all your ex's annoying habits.
Allocate a limited amount of time per day to sit down and spill out your feelings about what happened. If you repeatedly pop up obsessive thoughts about the former, tell yourself that the set time for experiences has expired, and you will return to them tomorrow at the same time. Gradually, you will return to the memories of parting less and less.
Do not rush to look for a new couple until you again feel the pleasure of life and restore confidence in the opposite sex. Otherwise, subconscious resentment and hatred of women will become a hindrance to new feelings. Sexual attraction to a former partner, a desire to take revenge on her, jealousy, and any other intense feelings indicate that you have not psychologically left the past relationship.
9. In the next six months or a year, completely change the perception of the relationship.
- After your separation, do not immediately cling to a new person and do not try to make him immediately your own for a very long time.
- It should not be confused with the fact that in general not to communicate with anyone and not get acquainted. No, you still communicate and get closer to new people, enjoy the attraction between you.
- But there should not be this desire to make a person his property for a long time.
- You must remove the time frame where you begin to unknowingly drive a person.
- Live like this for the next six months at least after the break. Then, after six months, based on your inner feelings, you can again return to a long relationship with one girl (man).
Husband abandoned - how to survive: psychologist's advice
The society suggests that allegedly relations with a man, marriage is the most important component of a woman’s life realization. And divorce is her personal fiasco. If you do not get rid of this illusion, then no advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your husband will not help.
There is another improper installation that prevents you from recovering from a divorce. A woman often lives with the conviction that her husband protects her from life's adversities, and she herself is unable to take care of herself and achieve any success in life. But this belief is easily refuted by the personal experience of millions of divorced and single women. Do not be afraid to live alone.
Psychological assistance in the separation of parents to children
Divorce is stress not only for husband and wife, but also for the rest of the family. To minimize the negative consequences of separation of parents for a child, it is necessary:
- explain to the baby that the husband and wife are getting divorced, but mom and dad never, he doesn’t lose any of his parents,
- explain to the kid that the blame for the separation of mom and dad in no way lies with him,
- the child should have a clear idea of his future - how he will live, with whom, how often to see each of the parents,
- in no case use the child as a means of revenge and manipulation of each other,
- with a sharp change in the behavior of the child (fears, aggression, hyperactivity), you should immediately consult a psychologist.
It is important to get rid of guilty feelings before the child. After all, the baby accurately reads the emotional state of the parents. If you yourself are convinced that an irreparable tragedy has occurred, then the baby will feel the same. Remember that in order to maintain psychological health, it is more important for a child to live in an atmosphere of love than in a complete family with constantly tense situations and conflicts.
Do not forget that the same event can be perceived differently. Treat relationships as an adventure that don't always end well. Think of them as part of a success story (“thank you for spending time together, for my son”), and not failure (“no one loves me”, “all men / women are worthless”).
Thin point to be implemented
The best thing you can do for a partner is to let him live life to the fullest, and you will be there with him whenever he wants to.
You still sincerely love your partner, but do not try to keep him in any way.
You must live your life and give your partner complete freedom of choice.
Embed this perception and no longer worry about how to survive a breakup with a lover or your secret passion.
You can also read about the psychology of relations between a guy and a girl in a new publication.
The difference between healthy and unhealthy poverty
- There must be no border and understanding that your person.
And then you can always go further in terms of the development of your spirituality, your level of happiness and harmony.
- Yes, you may have a certain percentage of need in a new relationship, but this healthy need, - when you just want to see a person (no matter how you spend your time). Just want to be together.
10. Ask yourself: “Are your feelings and the image of your former partner real, or is this your subjective perception?”
Ask yourself questions:
- Is it possible that your former partner gives you any feelings, or does your subjective perception portray them as such, making him special?
- If a guy’s perception of a former girl as “special”, “giving love to everyone” and “enhancing well-being” was real, then why don't all the guys take her like that?
- Why doesn't any of the other people on the planet right next to his ex-girlfriend feel better about it like a guy?
The way a guy perceives a former girl so cool is his personal subjective perception of a girl.
Besides him, no one else perceives her like that.
All other people see the same girl, the same appearance, her own face, but their well-being does not improve in any way!
And it is very important to be aware in order to close worries about how it is easier to survive a breakup with a loved one.
You yourself draw an addition to the image of the former, it does not come from him at all
- The guy is simply attached to those old emotions, tactile sensations and past pleasures that they gave each other. His perception portrays her as something special, as if she had a halo over her head.
- The same can be said about former men, for whom women continue to dry irresponsibly. Your remaining love after the break is only your personal subjective appearance.
- You yourself and your perception of feelings draws such an addition to a former person. This add-on does not come from your former partner.
- This image, which your perception paints for you, does not exist in reality. Remember this and close all your questions about how to survive the pain of parting with a married man or someone with whom you would have to leave sooner or later.
Eleven.Your attachment is experienced to the feelings and sensations that you experienced before with a partner, and not to the person himself
Understand that you are attached to feeling, not to the person himself.
This feeling is drawn by your personal subjective perception.
Understand this, and it will become much easier for you.
- Why don't you feel this way about yourself?
- Why does it arise only in relation to other people?
The answer isthat you just don't love yourself.
People do not like themselves and, as a result, need outside help, asking for the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a break with a husband, boyfriend or female person.
12. Love yourself for real
When you truly fall in love with yourself, your total love will be much stronger than feelings for a former person.
Your love for yourself will be the strongest and strongest. No feelings can absorb and bind you.
And then you will forget about attachment to feelings, you will give more to this world.
And then people will start reaching for you.
Now you know everything from psychology on the topic of how to survive a breakup with your loved one, and you do not need any forums.
If you integrate these understandings into your life, then thoughts like “would rather leave after a painful breakup” will no longer arise in your head.
You will remove a lot of pain and suffering from the relationship and begin to look at things more objectively.
Ask loved ones for help
If there is no answer to the question of how to painlessly endure a difficult parting, then those around will help. Close, dear people are always ready to lend a helping hand, listen and support. Not everyone can endure heavy emotional tests alone. Support greatly speeds up the recovery process. Colleagues, friends, pals - any company that is ready to help will do.
With total solitude (this often happens after a difficult relationship with total control), instead of friends, you can find support on social networks. Communication with people who have already managed to bridge the gap will help to find answers to questions, get an emotional response.
The worst thing is to withdraw, withdraw into yourself. Then again, the toggle switch from “live” will go into “autonomously exist”. As long as suffering continues, all life passes. You should not be shy to ask for help or be afraid to look stupid, inappropriate. Such thoughts can go even deeper into a depressed state.
Find a reason to rejoice
The world has not ceased to exist, interesting things and activities have not disappeared. Enjoying life is one of the best answers to the question of how to survive a painless breakup with a very beloved man:
- Attend training (even online, but a lively presence is better).
- Start a repair or a grand cleaning.
- Enroll in a gym or pool.
- Take on a new book.
- Try something new and interesting.
Sign up for riding lessons, visit the dolphinarium, take a vacation, go to the sea. Any way to enjoy it will do. But it is better to do this after the stage of conscious sadness has passed. The method really works, it is advised by ordinary people and psychologists.
Involvement in the process of one’s own life:
- Significantly improves well-being.
- Increases self-esteem.
- Changes the attitude.
- Removes from a depressed state.
Positive charge is provided to those who decided to find a reason for joy after once having experienced a breakup with a beloved person.
Taking care of your own appearance will help you get out of the situation. A big mistake to run yourself. You can yearn in his old sweater on the windowsill with peeling varnish on the nails, a mess on the head. And you can languidly drink latte in an atmospheric cafe with a hairstyle, gentle manicure. Such sadness is much nicer.
Psychologists' advice on how to survive any breakup is filled with increased attention to their own person. Appearance is a shell that needs care and maintenance. You cannot run yourself. Regular sports, a beauty salon, an active lifestyle, proper nutrition have not hurt anyone.
The emotional benefits of such advice are substantial. The mood rises, the attitude towards oneself improves. This helps to get rid of complexes, to believe in oneself. Practice has shown that women who do not take care of themselves experience a gap 9-12 months longer.
Set new goals
Marriage, family, strong relationships - a great goal, but not the main thing in human life. But many forget about this, which greatly complicates the situation with how to survive an unexpected break with a loved one. Most often this happens to women who build all their plans around a man, and after separation they feel complete emptiness and hopelessness.
Stopping panic and calm down is the first step. Then it is worth reviewing all your goals and plans, you can do this on a day off.
- Go to nature and relax, take along a beautiful notebook, a few pens. Sit at the pond on a plaid and write out everything that was once dreamed of.
- Stay at home and watch some nice, good films, remember what you wanted to realize before marriage or relationships, make a plan and set goals.
- If possible, go to another city, walk along the streets and cafes, watch people. Just to see that life goes on. Often this leads to fresh ideas and thoughts.
Even if scared, you need to act! Implement even what seemed unrealizable:
- Run over.
- Change car.
- To fill a tattoo, which has been dreamed of for years.
- Run a marathon or start preparing for it.
- Find new friends and so on.
Anything, if only it came from the heart, the realization of a dream or desire. This approach transforms the girl, even after she pulled herself together after breaking up with the man. The healing effects are capable of yoga and meditation. The effectiveness of the latter is scientifically proven. With strong feelings, yoga will help calm down, tune in to the best. Several regular classes will give a good mood, a positive attitude.
The advice of psychologists will tell you how to survive a difficult parting with a dear and beloved person. To bring new things into your life is one of the most effective solutions. An amazing fate is not far off, but close by. As soon as the experiments begin, you can safely leave the comfort zone and take on the solution of any problems. It is important at this moment to overcome fears, doubts, opinions of others.
An experiment can be any:
- See the horrors (if you were always afraid of them).
- Dramatically change the image.
- Choose a different style.
- Change profession.
- Move to another city or even country.
- Buy furniture.
- Gain full autonomy.
Sorry and let go
How can you live on after parting if the accumulated grievances pull you back. This burden will never let go unless you consciously make such a decision. Everything can be forgiven, if only in order to find peace and tranquility. Immediately or a few days after the scandal and separation, nothing is forgotten, it is not forgiven. Need time.
When a person is ready to accept the choice of his partner and respects him, he will be able to forgive everything. Only after this can a person spiritually, emotionally let go, gain freedom. At this stage, a mentally healthy person may be ready for a new relationship. This is due to informed decisions. An analysis of past mistakes has been carried out, the pain has subsided, and peace of mind has been achieved. From this point, a new, more interesting life begins.
Only those who forgave are capable of not wanting evil and letting go with any decision made. Some go to this point for years, and for someone a couple of weeks of introspection by a psychologist in the office is enough. The specialist greatly reduces the time of the pain experienced. He will show how to survive a breakup with a husband so that life does not lose its meaning.
How to survive a breakdown with a loved one: the advice of a psychologist
No matter how standard the situations may be, for any person there is a way that will alleviate the pain. The most correct option is to listen to yourself, give free rein to feelings. Even if you have to sob all day, looking at raindrops flowing down the glass. This is important for the mental and physical health of the sufferer.
Deciding to remain “stone”, not to experience emotions and try to forget as soon as possible is how to be treated with painkillers: it helps only temporarily. You can’t deceive yourself, entertain with hopes and deceive, coming up with new ways to restore relations.
Tips for women from a psychologist
For women, the list of steps is different from the list that suits men. This is due to a different emotional level and degree of experience. The heavier the gap, the more points will appear on the list appointed by the psychologist.
- Give vent to emotions. Give yourself a chance to be sad, free up the day. In no case should you lock yourself in.
- Memories away! Get rid of any things, photos and gifts that remind of a former lover. This will greatly simplify the recovery process.
- Help for the good. If you do not have the strength to cope on your own, then you can and should ask for help from loved ones. Modesty is out of place when support is required.
- Health and appearance. An important factor that is ignored, especially by girls. Hysterics and depression can hide serious consequences.
Tips for men from a psychologist
For men and women, the advice of a psychologist about experiencing separation will be different. A man rarely seeks help from a specialist, although this would be the best solution.
Alone or with the support of a specialist, but a man must go through three stages:
- Friends and time heal. If you do not get distracted, you can get very deeply bogged down in one problem. It is much easier for a man to relax and be distracted in the company of friends, then to solve problems with a fresh mind.
- Sport and activity. It is important to throw out all the adrenaline through exercise. Sport cools the mind and puts your head in order.
- Work is part of the process. Plunging, men are able to escape from heavy thoughts and emotions.
What is definitely not worth doing
Persistent stereotypes about how to live after parting often lead to ways that are completely wrong. Films, books, glossy magazines can only do harm, with revealing grief and the way to satisfy it. It is definitely not worth saving with strong alcoholic drinks. It will not bring any peace, only temporary oblivion, headache and health problems.
On the same day, to fall into the arms of another - to find even greater pain after intensified experiences. The first time will be easy, but the reckoning is pretty fast. Being isolated from friends and acquaintances is the path to depression. Do not be shy or neglect the help of loved ones.
The illusion often created by sufferers can be severely crippled emotionally. Empty hopes that everything will change and relations will be restored create temporary relief, which will certainly be followed by severe anguish and sadness. Do not try to restore broken feelings.
The answer to how to survive a breakup with a loved one can give psychologists, sites, magazines. But given all the useful information, you need to listen to yourself and try to adequately understand the surging emotions and feelings.